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Arterton does what she can to liven the movie’s dour tone, channeling her inner Han Solo to turn Gretel into a stone-cold bitch warrior who practically barks “Ain’t nobody got time for that” as she evades trolls, eviscerates witches and fends off a predatory sheriff played by Peter Stormare. (Because whom else would you hire to play a lecherous sheriff in a movie called Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters?) Arterton shows she’s better equipped to play an action lead than the flimsy second banana – where she floundered in Prince of Persia and even Quantum of Solace. Her spunk actually balances out Renner, who does cool instead of charismatic in a misguided effort to push the film toward a legitimacy it doesn’t earn.
Watch Hansel Vs. Gretel Online Free Structurally, Gretel neglects to come up with much beyond its concept, which puts a hardened spin on the classic Grimm fairy tale. It’s perfectly natural to want to imagine Hansel and Gretel channeling an inner rage following their near-fatal encounter with a sorceress. But H&G suffers from a saggy midsection as Wirkola figures out how to pad his barely-90-minute film until he can crank up the heat for a Rambo-esque finale. Time-killers range from a love interest for Hansel (played by Pihla Viitala) to a gentle giant named Edward, who befriends Gretel and proves useful when the chips are on the table.
The director, however, is better equipped at ladling out buckets of blood than he is at maintaining suspense or tension. Gretel delivers on the promise of gore, as limbs are torn from bodies and messengers explode after eating combustible worms, spraying tavern patrons with internal organs. The spray of crimson blood cuts through the grim production scheme (no pun intended) and drab visual palette. The movie's often mean and nasty, but that's really its saving grace. “That was awesome,” screams a young Hansel and Gretel groupie after a grisly kill, and you might agree, of that’s your thing.
I’m not saying there isn’t franchise potential here. Never forget, even Clash of the Titans inspired a sequel. Maybe this is the start of a series. We can only hope future installments realize the inherent ludicrousness of the given premise. And at the very least, if H&G finds an audience, expect to see another recognizable figure from stories past hunting werewolves, possibly as early as 2014.
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